Leaked email from CEO
January 31, 2009 by Dmitry
From: Dmitry Chestnykh
To: All Staff
Subject: SOME BUTTONS TO BE DISABLED
Dear staff,
As you may have heard, bright minds over at Nielsen removed “Reply to All” button to eliminate bureaucracy and inefficiency.
Today Coding Robots Executive Council held an event called ¡ACT IMMEDIÄTELY!, and we developed a plan (inspired by can-doers at Nielsen) to further improve our productivity.
We developed four Mail toolbar configurations for different departments.
Support
Our technical support staff can have only two buttons: Get Mail and Reply. Obviously, they don’t need New Message and other non-productive buttons.
Sales and Marketing
Sales and marketing can have four buttons: Get Mail, New Message, Reply to All, Add Address. We are aiming for the best exposure, that’s why they don’t have Reply button, and have Reply to All instead. They can’t have Forward button, because everyone out there is tired of Internet memes.
Developers
Developers can have three buttons: Get Mail, Bounce, Junk. They never use Reply and New Message anyway.
Executives
Finally, we, executives, decided to place stricter constraints on ourselves. Executives are allowed to have only one button: Take All Accounts Offline.
This is one of the many changes being implemented as a result of the ¡ACT IMMEDIÄTELY! initiative. In my next email I’ll talk about removing unnecessary buttons from your keyboards to further spread the productivity virus!
Best,
Dmitry Chestnykh
Chief Executive Officer
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Congratulations on this decisive action! These radical changes can only come about through strong leadership and a firm commitment to reduce waste and inefficiency!
For phase 2 of your project, may I recommend you considder removing the “Q” key from all keyboards. As an observant blogger pointed out:
We have noticed that the “Q” key is only used 19% of the time throughout a typical work day as opposed to the most utilized letters, A, R ,S, T , and L, This results in unnecessary keystrokes, causing a waste of time and silly words that use the letter Q. Beginning Thursday we will remove all “Q” keys, allowing you to type only words without the letter “Q”. Employees who want to use the letter “Q” can now substitute the “asterisk” symbol for all words containing “Q”…. ”
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